Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Writing assignment1
P220
・What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age?
My hometown is Yamagata,a very small town town.There are only two movie theaters and Starbucks around Yamagata station,so some people say we should built more cafes or something like for young people.However,I don't think building cafes or game-center are effective measures.In my opinion,we have to change the basic matters instead of paying our attention to the facts on the surface.Yamagata city should make environment that young people can live their life comfortable.Foe example,build enough number of day care center or increasing employment for young people,maintain the safe city.These policies are not easy to out,but I think this is the only way to appeal our city to young people
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Kazuki, good job! I would score you 2 out of 5, but if you had written more, I would have scored 3 or 4.
ReplyDeleteFirst, as I wrote, you need more words. I understand it is not easy to write fast, but in TOEFL, you are required to write much more.
One more thing. You may need to come up with more concrete reasons. Explain your reasons as clearly as possible.
One small thing about format is, you need a space between sentences. For example,
the safe city.These policies…is wrong. You have to write
the safe city. These policies
Got it?
Your spelling and grammar is generally fine, so if you try hard, I believe you will be a good write soon.
Tetsuya